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BITE user comments - cohenst

Comments by cohenst

The Kirkstile Inn, Loweswater

Beautiful location, some tasty brews, decent food, but an anally retentive southern import landlord who serves to wreck the ambience. Relax mate, you'll get rich! We parked the car in the car park and were going to buy food and drink, again, after walking down to the lake. Shame, really, because it put a bunch us off from going back again - and providing you with loadsa money!!!!!!! Can't some of the staff weight his body and throw him in Crummock water- or send him back to Surrey to talk about how much his house is worth?

10 Apr 2011 00:32

The Old Monkey, Manchester

"Interesting mix of people, from tramps to theatre goers."

Are they still letting those good for nothings in? A bit of theater and then they think they can intrude into other people's comfort zones! Can't wait to get back to Manchester and the Old Monkey to try some of the newer selections of Joey Holts.

14 Dec 2007 05:02

Lotus, Manchester

Used to be called Anus. Will probably be called Clitoris by the end of the year and will shift to selling astronomically priced clothes that look like they were thrown out by the Oxfam shop, even though that market looks it's already cornered on King Street. It isn't a pub, really.

20 Sep 2007 02:07

The Old Monkey, Manchester

"Good on City matchdays"

You're not joking! Even better AFTER a City game! A time when the mis-led need cheap, decent bitter to really take their minds off the 90 minutes of excruciating pain they've just experienced. The Old Monkey comes up with the goods, season after miserable season, after miserable season, ad infinitum.

"why is it that pints of Diamond taste so much like apples?"

What did you expect, mango? See my review of the Ape and Apple for the real answer.

19 Sep 2007 04:37

The Ape and Apple, Manchester

"..the "regulars" were, for the most part, nasty perverts who would make their orders with literally a stream of snot dripping into their mouths"

Canuck, you were probably working there when the Tories were holding their national conference in the place. That's why it's called the Ape and Apple! You remember one of their right wing, family values types being found in the toilets in a compromising position with a bowl of fruit and a simian buddy in silk lingerie. Fu--ing outrageous! Happened right here in the heart of Manchester. PETA were fuming and wanted to string him up from the nearest lamp post. You wouldn't believe it, though. The barrow boys at Smithfield market had a whip round and set up a defense fund for the bast-rd, he got off with it, and then received a pound of Granny Smiths as compensation for having his name besmirched.

Regardless, it's a pretty good pub. Cheap, decent beer. No chav aristocracy infesting the place or students from Surrey going on about their gap year in Kenya.

19 Sep 2007 04:09

The Square Albert, Manchester

Used to have a cellar open that was a pretty decent place for a drink. They even had little plays down there. It's probably rented out as "lofts" now to an unMancunian who thinks he got a "wicked" deal on the place compared to what he'd pay in Surrey.

19 Sep 2007 03:31

The Old Grapes, Manchester

Got off with Ena Sharples in here! Actually, it really was an eventful night. A fight broke out after someone called Mike Baldwin a cockney twa-t. Len Fairclough was arrested for chatting up some six year old. But funnily enough, Bert, the shirt, Tyldesley disappeared with a duffel bag into the toilets and wasn't seen all night. He was OK, though. It later transpired that he'd accidentally got locked in a toilet that was already occupied. Now that must have been embarrassing. Average pub, average beer.

19 Sep 2007 03:24

14, Manchester

Go next door to 16. It's brilliant! The beer is cheaper. The art show is much more impressive. It's more packed. It's got four floors of entertainment. The staff are even friendlier than in 14. It's not a pub, though!

18 Sep 2007 03:42

The Black Bull, Haworth

Saw Kate Bush in here. Honest!

14 Sep 2007 03:57

The King Edward VII, Stratford

Just a silly joke. Actually, I'm British. I thought you'd like the custom of hoards of gullible American tourists. Good luck with the pub.

14 Sep 2007 03:41

The Royal Oak, Stratford

Shakespeare got old in this quaint pub.

13 Sep 2007 04:16

The King Edward VII, Stratford

Shakespeare liked to kick back and smoke a cigar here.

13 Sep 2007 04:16

The Goldengrove, Stratford

Shakespeare never drank here. He preferred not to drink at chains.

13 Sep 2007 04:14

The Goose on the Broadway, Stratford

Shakespeare found a mouse in his pint here.

13 Sep 2007 04:06

The Queens Head, Stratford

Shakespeare wouldn't use the toilets here.

13 Sep 2007 04:05

The Chevy Chase, Stratford

Shakespeare met Chevy Chase here while he was in Europe filming European vacation.

13 Sep 2007 04:03

The Cart And Horses, Stratford

Shakespeare met some American tourists here.

13 Sep 2007 04:02

The Builders Arms, Stratford

Shakespeare met Anne Hathaway here.

13 Sep 2007 04:01

The British Lion, Stratford

Shakespeare didn't drink here.

13 Sep 2007 04:00

The Bay Tree, Stratford

Shakespeare drank here.

13 Sep 2007 04:00

Revolution, Deansgate Locks

"but outside of London I suppose you have to accept such places are the height of sophistication!"

Was the above quote posted by Coleridge, Wordsworth, Henry Moore or some other unsophisticated Northerner? Or did Shell say it in the caff in Eastenders?

Revolution, probably OK place for students.

13 Sep 2007 03:56

The Donkey Stone, Manchester Airport

"I have seen people miss flights because the pub is open and Mancs are transfixed by the flashing lights of the fruit machines rather than watching the departure screens."

Why not place bets on whether your flight departs or not? There again, the odds of leaving on time are probably worse than winning on the fruit machine in the Donkey Shite. By the way, do you think the price of their pints is somehow linked to the price of oil and conflict in the Middle East. It sure feels like it when I pass through.

13 Sep 2007 03:44

The Donkey Stone, Manchester Airport

The Donkey Shite: the cream of over- priced embarrassments of Manchester. But if you're a male between 40 and sixty, foolish enough to shell out twice as much cash for half as much quality, and who is oblivious to the fact that you look like a tw-t in those ridiculous long, long shorts (capris?), then fasten your seat belts because this is your Shangri La. Enjoy!

13 Sep 2007 03:36

The Castle Hotel, Manchester

"i have twice watched older chaps widdling themselves and falling over here"

OK, I can understand you seeing it happen once prestwichman, but twice? Don't make it a spectator sport fellah, or else you might get yourself arrested or, even more embarrassing, beaten up in between strokes.

Not a bad old Manchester pub.

12 Sep 2007 04:19

The Marble Arch, Manchester

Pretty good pub with some decent beer. Try to get there before it's taken over by unMancunians going on and on on and on and on about their over-priced "lofts" (flats)in the Northern (ironic) Quarter and the merits of Arsenal's latest signing.

12 Sep 2007 04:10

The Mitre Hotel, Manchester

What can I say except beds by the hour above a funeral home. Just don't get the two confused or else you might get arrested for necrophilia in one, and receive misplaced sympathy in the other.

12 Sep 2007 04:01

The Rams Head, Denshaw

Used to serve great Theakstons Old Peculiar many years ago. Cozy open fire. Landlord at the time cracked us up, though. He went ape shit when my mate decided to put a log on the fire. Maybe he was just trying to cut down on his carbon emissions.

8 Sep 2007 06:09

Dry Bar, Manchester

Now infested with the aristocracy of Chavdom. In fact, I believe I saw the Earl of Eccles, renown smack dealer and "security consultant" with his entourage of knights of the ASBO, in the doorway. The way they park illegally on the pavement is really impressive. It just screams: "Drink here!" - Used to be a half decent place.

8 Sep 2007 05:55

Railway & Naturalist Inn, Prestwich

I much prefer the Railway and Naturist.

8 Sep 2007 05:41

The Old House At Home, Blackley

A unique place and well hidden. This helps to keep out the chav element who are directionally challenged. Will have to visit when I get back to England.

8 Sep 2007 05:37

The Baa Bar, Deansgate Locks

Students, and more bloody students! Yawn. Hire them while they still know it all.

8 Sep 2007 05:04

The Cleveland, Crumpsall

The Northern Hemisphere's best kept secret. I've heard the food's great. And that review came from my dad whose arse fell out there several years ago from food poisoning. I guess if your colon doesn't appear at the foot of a log end dartboard then you're in front. Bon appetit! Cheapest beer in England? Say no more. Periodically, depending on the landlord/landlady (look how PC I am!) the place allows tossers in, including the pensioner beater with the big ears. Yes him, son of Dave, the scouser with the attractive skin condition. Anyway Big Ears, I hope you no longer darken the celebrated doorstep of the Cleveland and your tough thug friend enjoyed his quick trip home through his front door window. Cheers, and can you put a little more head on that Holts. Best regards to Jimmy Addy.

4 Sep 2007 03:37

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