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Kiss Me Hardy, Colliers Wood

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user reviews of Kiss Me Hardy, Colliers Wood

please note - reviews on this site are purely the opinion of site visitors, so don't take them too seriously.

Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans. Been back here and holy Mary what a place.

So having had to take an "enforced" break (the ba$tards) from my favourite filthy little rumpy pumpy humping house, I thought I'd head back to hardys to see if this place is rammed to the rafters of top grade snatch. Oh lovely boyo, I couldn't be further wrong.

One word sums this place up. Can't think of the word though as I have Alzheimer's. Although I do know I need a shit.

Really, this place should be cast down with the sodomites. There are more genetic mutants drinking in here that at your local nazi-sympathisers genetic human testing lab (otherwise known as The Victory back some years ago).

There's all sorts of genetic mutants. Some very oddly shaped women in their filthy pink leggings and jogging bottoms. People shuffling around like their legs are controlled by dark underground forces. More tourettes than the big brother house on LSD. More autistics than the annual rainman convention. More bad tattoos than millwall.

And the attitude and language. I got told to f*ckoff off and stop asking stupid questions (and that's just by the barmaid when I said could I have two pints of lager).

This is a dark rat infested cess pit of hell that the devil and his dark forces would be proud to drink in.

May the good lord do something to sort this sorry, sorry state of affairs out.

I hope they let me back in the royale standarde soon. I did apologise for whopping out the trouser bishop.

Rev Chris P Bacon

PS all that said, its a good place to pull if you can put up with the stench
reverendchris - 20 Nov 2013 19:00
Ordered COD fish & chips. Fish was a drab grey and was not cod and was tasteless. Told that is how it is, AVOID.
Barra - 20 Sep 2013 17:09
big pub, not a place for a cosy meal for two. However, with two children in tow, thought it wasnt too bad. Foood was more than adequte & I found the service from the bar staff better than a lot of pubs I've been to. I found it clean & tidy, nothing like previous posters below. draft beer! When the choice was lager, chemically addled fizzy cider & tasteless John Smith's Smooth, perhaps the lack of any draft beer was a bonus!
Wilson_MacDonald - 14 Sep 2011 21:47
What a dire place full of pikey types and their repulsive guts and unruely kids. AVOID
Barra - 14 Jul 2011 16:31
Overpriced beer, overpriced kid's party, sub-standard food and staff with severe attitude problems - very rare I'll slag off a fellow trader, but this place stinks of prefab chain pub. - if you can avoid it, I would.
ptg - 29 Apr 2010 18:47
I'm not sure how but it seems to have got EVEN worse since last year. On being told kronenburg was off and the barguy failing altogether to pour a different pint we were told none of the taps were working but were offered bottles which came to nearly 8 for 2.
This was after a considerable wait anyway.
Same filthy stink, same horrible drunk 'families' with millions of toddlers running about screeching.
Never again.
popiellajones - 12 Jul 2009 11:46
This place has to be witnessed to be believed. Marketed to families with a licence to allow kids in, the tables are covered in spilt orange juice/coke, full of so called families getting trashed on crap keg beer/lager, while their off spring run riot. Crushed crisps into the carpet complete the picture, so bad it is beyond comprehension. I've not recorded the beer, doubt there is any cask anyway, it was just a vision of hell . My very first zero.
Maldenman - 1 Jun 2009 21:34
A smashing pub, my wife always insists we visit it when we're in the area.
Olaf - 1 Jun 2009 21:11
Shameless springs to mind ... rotten place - avoid at all costs
anitas - 17 Feb 2009 10:41
Huge fat families being incredibly loud. Little tiny children running about screaming.
I didn't feel intimidated by the locals, just annoyed. More of a nursery than a pub.
popiellajones - 14 Jul 2008 21:31
its on an industrial estate. need i say any more!
westyw9 - 18 Oct 2007 16:14
I think that if you have an IQ over 74 and a sense of shame, you are not welcome here. Last time I was there, witnessed a toothless, gold-dripping old crone have a dust-up with her morbidly obese daughter - at about 4 in the afternoon. Made for good entertainment though.

Bar staff and drinks are fine, well priced, grub is decent, shame about the people who think they have the right to make you feel uneasy though.
Oliver_Reeds_tash - 15 Oct 2007 13:45
Has to be the best value food in the area. Steaks are great, service is friendly. It may not be a place for the real ale guys, but for those of us with a family its perfect
fosterman - 21 Nov 2006 19:39
Cheap & nasty. Went in there with my Mrs and the locals spent most of the time just gawping at her and wispering to each other which made her feel really uncomfortable and me irritated.

Don't go in there unless you're prepared to be made to feel very unwelcome by the customers who clearly seemed to have spent most of their life in there interbreeding.
anonymous - 1 Aug 2006 16:52
Too clicky in this pub
locals do not like new faces
food average
beer ok
would not be in a hurry to go back
anonymous - 18 Jul 2006 20:34
I'd looked at this a few times from the outside and to be honest it looked hideous; just a bit of signage away from looking like an out-of-town Currys or something. Then one day the baobab was inexplicably closed (again) and I thought I'd pop in.
What a surprise; friendly staff, good prices (especially food), different areas with screens in some, food area in another, booths somewhere else etc, and a great little terrace outside next to the river.
I'll be back, but probably still only when the 'bab is shut again. Or I'm skint.
big_andy - 29 Jun 2006 13:41
Good points: 2 for 1 on meals, all day, every day. Cheap.

Bad points: Grotty, lots of kids running around, dull beer and the patrons are a bit on the rough side.
AleKing - 2 Jun 2006 13:04
Visited a couple of weeks ago before going to the Sultan. A basic but quite varied pub food menu is the attraction here. The soft drinks were good value for money. If you go on a Friday evening you will find a mixed but mainly young crowd with the main area full of toddlers, pushchairs and prams, rather like being in Sainsbury's on a Saturday. Piped background music. The staff here are friendly and efficient, but I would not say it is a place to enjoy a relaxing pint.
lad_newton - 23 May 2006 20:10
Surprisingly, this is now the cheapest pub in the Colliers Wood area. I suppose this is as good as any pub can be that has an address starting 'Unit 5'. The main attraction is the Playbarn upstairs; if you have children then this is a godsend. But that also means that if you are looking for somewhere to sit and read the paper on a Sunday afternoon then you have the wrong place! The food - especially the steaks - is very good. The whole place is pretty clean and it has fairly good views of the Wandle. It certainly attracts the chavs, though, and the only bitter is John Smith's smooth. I no qlonger take part in the PHAB quiz as too many people disappear off to the toilet with mobile phones for it to be totally fair.
offramp - 16 May 2006 11:13
It's not as bad as it looks from the outside. Food, beer, and service are always pretty good. The quiz is fun and getting quite popular.

There are better places to drink in Colliers Wood, but this place is good if you have kids or want a decent cheapish meal.
Loki - 21 Sep 2005 16:33
Now they've taken away the screens showing sport, this has become a much friendlier place to drink. They have a quiz on Wednesday night - and we realised we are bad bad losers! They have friendly staff and great 2 for 1 meal deals - and lovely tasty food. Maybe not the place for a Saturday night out, but certainly the place for dinner and a few to start.
rinky - 18 Aug 2005 09:24
This place is a chavs harvester!
anonymous - 6 Jun 2005 13:05
Not as bad as one would think at first sight - it looks ike an airplane hanger from the outside. The beer (flowers, ipa, directors) is tastey and there is lots of food. Also a lot of children in the family area. It still manages to have some atmosphere all said and done.
steve - 5 May 2004 16:04
Large chain pub with a kids playbarn upstairs
anonymous - 24 Mar 2004 09:06

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