The Royal Standard, Colliers Wood

Hallelujah praise the lord god Jesus Christ and all the little angels!

Just spent yet another great Sunday in the house of holy worship that is the Royale Standarde. Oh lovely boyo, the good lord in heaven above was smiling on up today, whilst gently strumming on that fat harp of his. Boyo from the valleys, what a day it's been.

Not only have they had yet another fresh delivery, but they had a best-of bang-o-rama, and even ping-pong-ting-tong turned up for a bit of a ding-dong and sing-song. Old ting tong ain't the same since she had to get the glass eyes fitted, but she stank to high heaven just like the old days. This afternoon has had the trouser bishop pleading with me to make it all stop.

Only thing to improve on this is if Tom Jones turns up next times. Oh lovely boyo.

Praise be, good will to all men (especially those from the valleys), and live long and prosper comrades.

Amen
Rev C P Bacon, with the slightly soiled long johns.

PS. It wasn't all good tho, MC 6-0 TH.

24 Nov 2013 23:40

Kiss Me Hardy, Colliers Wood

Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans. Been back here and holy Mary what a place.

So having had to take an "enforced" break (the ba$tards) from my favourite filthy little rumpy pumpy humping house, I thought I'd head back to hardys to see if this place is rammed to the rafters of top grade snatch. Oh lovely boyo, I couldn't be further wrong.

One word sums this place up. Can't think of the word though as I have Alzheimer's. Although I do know I need a shit.

Really, this place should be cast down with the sodomites. There are more genetic mutants drinking in here that at your local nazi-sympathisers genetic human testing lab (otherwise known as The Victory back some years ago).

There's all sorts of genetic mutants. Some very oddly shaped women in their filthy pink leggings and jogging bottoms. People shuffling around like their legs are controlled by dark underground forces. More tourettes than the big brother house on LSD. More autistics than the annual rainman convention. More bad tattoos than millwall.

And the attitude and language. I got told to f*ckoff off and stop asking stupid questions (and that's just by the barmaid when I said could I have two pints of lager).

This is a dark rat infested cess pit of hell that the devil and his dark forces would be proud to drink in.

May the good lord do something to sort this sorry, sorry state of affairs out.

I hope they let me back in the royale standarde soon. I did apologise for whopping out the trouser bishop.

Amen
Rev Chris P Bacon

PS all that said, its a good place to pull if you can put up with the stench

20 Nov 2013 19:00

The Royal Standard, Colliers Wood

Evening fellow pervs. I hear there has been a fresh delivery at that lovely little rumpy-pumpy humping house, the royale standarde. And they are having a speed dating night. So I'm heading there right now to claim what is rightfully mine. Beer, whiskey, pork scratchings, And a fair helping of top grade snatch.! Yes, for tonight's little fandango festival, I have my weapons grade y-fronts on, and my decades old trusty rubber jonny (geronimo) firmly tucked in my top pocket. May the good lord forgive me for what I am about to receive. Eeeerghhh. Hopefully this one will be a hundred hail mary jobby. Eeeerghhh. Even cancelled a funeral service in the morning so it better be good. I'm hoping to be having my own stiff service right then. Eeeerghhh. My trouser bishop is looking up to the angels in the heavens above already. I don't think my sticky little love pumper can take much more, I better get down there.

Eeeerghhh.

Amen
Rev Chris.

30 Oct 2013 18:37