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BITE user comments - nosferatiattu

Comments by nosferatiattu

The Black Horse, Wednesbury

i always enjoyed a few after work pints in this fine establishment ,but this evening was to be different unfamiliar face caught my eye..the face of a veeeer fat an veer smelly younge fellow who was returning from the bar ,his arms crammed with various snacks including "pikki-yegs"..rots and supa- crunches
.he returned to his red velvette snug and lay his new acquisitions next to the "fruits de la mer' he had bought only moments ago from a chap in a white coat carrying a wicker basket
"...COR!!..SLURP..hee ,hee,hee.."he chortled to himself, and set about "gunching"the various foodstuffs on the small round table in front of him ,.
stopping only to take deep swigs from the 9 pints of brown cloudy ale crammed along with the snacks...
The whole spectacle lasted only minuets but seemed like hours as a deep satisfying belch broke my hypnotised state and the younge fellow rose to his feet and walked across the crowded room and emptied the massive contents of his stomach onto the nearby pool table and then proceeded in front of the horrified patrons to roll about on the green baize calling out
..."look at me Mr Chafaker! ..Im a little chicken,Im a little chicken!"
Thank goodness some one had called some of our local bobbies before the situation could get really bad, and the poor fellow was escorted off the premises and bundled into the back of a black maria with the help of a well executed blow to his 'caaarn livva"from one of the shifty eyed officers...oh it was a shluvly night.

12 Aug 2014 12:57

The Black Horse, Wednesbury was on the way to the ":golden cup'' as recommended by mr p.daley( who had the voice of a man with 40 a day habit at the age of about 6).'.arrr the golden cup..aar the golden cup.the golden cup'..he recommended ...but dropped into this place when i found out the afore mentioned burned to matchwood in 1986..
so i found the very affable bouncer in his slightly off-white shirt and dicky loved a good old christmas sing -song and we were soon belting out a a rousing rendition of the classic "bahh maah thuu-uummb....bah may thumb nother..bah may thumb nother.."but unfortuionatly our christmas cheer seemed to irritate a "bucks fizz singer '( not mike nolan , the other one)...and he asked us to "strap Up! yah cheeky melts!" as he couldn't hear a word his AndRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR(breath)RRRRRRRRRRRRRea was saying!!!
So naturally, we pointed at him and sang "live it up" by "mental as anything" but this seemed to irritate him even more...So i left and did dione in an ally-way while a mongrel dog looked on,and my new found friend wrote "I LOVE YOU KERRY " in the yewsh snow.

25 Jul 2014 16:55

Ye Olde Leathern Bottel, Wednesbury

an intresting name and such a coincidence that i have up for sale ..'ye olde rubber Galen mask" which i nicked off a very dear friend many years ago whilst passing through his garden en route to the 'lokkies"...the mask is in 'Pre-loved condition"(well it was certainly pre-loved by him")..any way any expressions of interest look for me(i am the B.F.G pumping wads of cash into the fruit machine most days of the week.

20 Jul 2014 05:42

The Cross Keys Inn, Cawsand

me and my companion took shelter here..after eating salted bread we were ready to sample the local ales,,Upon our arrival we heard the last line of a joke being told by a shaven headed man united player which went ..."remember the allamooow,nyah nyah nyaaahh!'
so my companion and i sat in our snug chatting about old times,whilst a local wench danced frivolously singing..'out on a wiley,windy moors,we'd roll and fall in green. you had a temper like my jealousy ,too hot too greedy..."..and then i am ashamed to say I'm think my friend may have used some gutter language as a B.A.Robinson pointed out that there was no need to swear..
'Are you boyz zailors?!"came from across the room..
"no sir ..we are merely on a quest to Rame via perenporth to find the truth of the poisoning aboard his majesties vessel.."
"drink on...drink on..."came the reply
i watched my friends brow furrow and caught the words "super glue"utter from under his breath....

13 Jul 2014 15:39

The Pigot Arms, Pattingham

yeah ,so decided to mosey-on down (that beh turnbull weeed..)to check out the this place,and they had a lovely spanish singerguitar player performing such classics as' te kira machu' and 'i love water' whilst her entourage sat around doing that fast clapping thing they do.I did feel sorry for this younge man clad in an outfit from 'principles" at walsall,as he was getting increasingly frustrated with the language barrier and saying"Do-you-know-everything-but-the-girl?'in an increasingly louder voice to her..but all was not lost as he received a tape of her latino music that sounded like it had been recorded at wednesbury baths as a parting gift to remember her by...anyhow i decided to leave and met a younge fellow out in the carpark who looked to me like he was a fan of "the nutty sound"who was having trouble starting his motorbike.He explained that he had been to the small bike shop opposite wednesbury town hall and the burly tattoed chaps in there had told him in no uncertain terms what to do with his "jap-crap'..any how we tried and tried to get the bike started 'and you'll never guess what ...he was wearing a long coat and the yewsh was over the yewsh ...arrr

5 Jun 2014 13:08

The Pigot Arms, Pattingham

Me and tok decided to spend an evening here after a recommendation from our friend Klaus Nomi..unfortuantly he could not join us as he was busy having his mal-rouge likked that night ...So we wandered in and asked the DJ to play " warm leatherette" and we did what we do.. ...but allas one burly shaven headed regular took offence to our expressing ourselves
through the medium of robotic daarnce..and told us to (swear word) off! and take our (swear word ) mirrors with us ,before he shoved them up our ( swear word;swear word-es) we backed toward the exit flashing our mirrors at the the bemused patrons,pouting on our way out
and caught the 401 bus to the conuaght hotel.

23 May 2014 14:54

The Myvod, Wednesbury

hey there fellow myvod fans..great to be back. ..and thanks to the bigfatget for those great memories..
Unfortunately the crew here at B.I.T.E have to start tonights review on a sombre note..
It has been brought to our attention that a pair of hoons have been spotted driving up a little too fast and coming to a skidding halt on the gravel in front of the Thicket residence, to the extent that Billy Pitcocks dad had to come out and tell them off...
The offenders were described as follows;- Passenger was verrr fat and verrrr smelly whilst the driver was a thin pale younge fellow wearing a blue cardigan and looking as if he were about to sneeze.
May we remind the public that a datsun cherry in the wrong hands can be a deadly weapon,and even though the offender may have only been trying to get to his destination to stop the engine before the good guitar bit in ' diamonds on the soles of her shoes' came on in order to rile his passenger this is no excuse for such anti- social behaviour..
Any how on that note drive safely and take care of mum..all at B.I.T.E

20 May 2014 13:17

The Myvod, Wednesbury

yes you did invest tres mucho mezzulla daughta..and dear dear brian was non to pleased..but i remember a similar situation at an illegal gambling den in the prince road vicinity ,where-by the proprietor did protest loudly when the two pound jackpot was arrived at through the fruit machine in the garden shed..but all that aside how i would love a nice video to watch when i arrive back at my house after calling in to the small off- licence attached to the myvod to pick up some nourishing KP nuts that slowly reveal those lovely curves in such a titalating way..
So instead of walking all the way to hobs road,ill just use the mobile service provided by those enterprising Pratt brothers,with their plethora of viewing entertainment located in the boot of their car...david recommends "Silent night ,deadly night" and i take him up on his excellent recommendation as some-one with a wooden leg and who bravely holds air-bombs while they go off at their bonfire-night celebration in their back yard has always received my utmost respect.

14 May 2014 13:10

The Myvod, Wednesbury

ah yess...i spent a lovely evening here with my common -law wife Marion and our tiny little love child{soon to be O.P.F)..I must admit though the lurching heaving man-child thunking the fruit machine with continuous head -butts whilst humming a little known hit by the pop group "queen"did slightly detract from an otherwise very pleasant evening...luckily we had a beautifully executed painting of I CLAVDIVSto take our minds off the uncomfortable situation we found ourselves in ...a big thumbs up to our landlord and keeper Brian 1010

10 May 2014 06:06

The Myvod, Wednesbury

great pub to pop into(even though it closed 2 yrs ago) for a relaxing lager and tonic.Brians allways well turned out in leathere fronted cardigan and neat trimmed sideburns and has allways got plenty of 10 pees for the yewsh(but there is always a spare un in the foot)after tou can pop dwn to perrrenporthe near lands end and wander round the graveyard at rame church

11 Jan 2009 12:30

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