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BITE user comments - Ladhimself

Comments by Ladhimself

The Butchers Arms, Herne

This is one of Kent's most historic pubs and gets mentioned several times in 'The Life and Times of Arnold Onion' by Sir William of Dickens.

7 Nov 2012 14:10

The Whitstable Brewery Bar, Whitstable

Manky old chap,

It's nearly always closed and when it is open it's heaving and full of people looking to either get completely off their face and/ or get their leg over.

As for the beer coming from the Whitstable Brewery...where exactly in Whitstable would that brewery be?

29 Aug 2012 16:17

The Flag and Whistle, Margate

Oh the humanity of it all!!!!!

29 Aug 2012 16:07

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

I am now based in London Psi, where I work in the sex industry.

I do get back to the Bubble ocasionally, and when I do I head straight to the Wall Tavern because all of the regulars there love me to bits.

29 Aug 2012 15:03

The Prince Albert, Whitstable

�7.50 for a pint of prawns?
I'm in the wrong game.
I wonder if the, ahem, 'louder than life locals' who congregate outside this particular hostelry ever partake?

29 Aug 2012 15:00

The Old Neptune, Whitstable

I am deeply saddened that this place has become another Shepherd Neame pub. Take it from me folks, there are enough Shepherd Neame pubs in Whitstable allready.

29 Aug 2012 11:51

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable


8 Aug 2012 12:55

The Freemasons Arms, Covent Garden

I love it Senberbex...brilliant stuff.

Also, wasn't David Bowie concieved by a unicorn and a Martian in the ladies' toilets?

8 Aug 2012 12:18

The Exmouth Arms, Exmouth Market

I grew up in the area and over the years have slowly watcehd its gentrification, with mixed feelings I have to admit.
The old Exmouth Arms was a spit and sawdust market pub, back in the days when Exmouth Market was a real spit and sawdust market with shops and stalls selling things that normal working class people might actually want.
Having said that, the refrubishment of the pub is very well done and manages a nice mix of traditional and trendy. The food is nothing special - and expensive too - while the range of beer is certainly impressive (although once again, very expensive).
A few random thoughts then.
1. While I welcome the move towards small, independt craft brewers, a lot of the beers these people are producing are so bland and light that they are not that far removed in character from lager. Think about it.
2. The jug pint glasses are so knowingly retro that, in the context of this pub, they are simply NAFF.
3. Where have all the postmen gones to drink?

25 Jul 2012 15:35

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable

There's a lovely vibe in this place now, it's just a shame it's still a Sheps pub. I tend to stick to Guinness.
The large back room, where they often have live music, is very funky and often smells of cheese.

18 Jul 2012 15:20

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

Pat, were you the chap who wrote '1001 Uses for A Coat Hanger?

I've been up in London a lot recently for the new job. It's tough work but very enjoyable. Did you know they do a strawberry flavoured KY jelly now?

I did make it down to the Wall Tavern for the England v Italy game and like every else in the pub was gutted.

Every time our brave boys in blue poured forward I thought we would score, and when it went to penalties I couldn't take anymore and left early. I wasn't surprised to find out later that we lost.

Lucky Italians, eh?

Oh, and I can still smell cheese!

2 Jul 2012 13:02

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable


20 Jun 2012 16:15

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable

Any truth in the rumour that Radiohead will be playing a 'secret' show here next week to try-out their new SWEATFINCH LP?

I think we should be told

20 Jun 2012 16:14

Quart in a Pint Pot, Margate

This is easily the best pub in Margate called the Quart In A Pint Pot!

20 Jun 2012 16:13

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

One more thing Pat,


20 Jun 2012 16:03

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

First things first Pat, can I say that I just love your work. Are you still listening to Genesis?

Anyhow, I start work at Artie Fuffkin's Porno Emporium and Film Studios next week. My duties will include fluffing, applying make-up where required and a bit of sweeping up too.

For reference, I am represented by Oogle, Oogle, Bugle and Dougal solicitors. Those guys know a good thing when it comes along and smacks them on the backside with a wet fish.

Look forward to seeing you in Soho.

toodle pip

20 Jun 2012 16:01

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

Firstly can I say a big thanks to all the regulars at the Wall Tavern who made me so welcome last night. I hardly had to put my hand in my pocket.

But I'm afraid I won't be in as often as I'd like to be as I've just secured a new job working in the sex industry. It's based in Soho and means I'll be in London most of the week.

So we will have to make the most of our weekends together.

See you lot later. I love ya'all

20 Jun 2012 09:08

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable



19 Jun 2012 16:07

Whitstable Oyster, Whitstable



19 Jun 2012 15:55

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

I see that Sky Sports has returned to the Ship.

19 Jun 2012 15:52

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

Just hours to the big kick-off. Dare I venture forth and watch the England v Ukraine game in the Wall Tavern?
I'll see you all there!

19 Jun 2012 12:54

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

I've been a very naughty boy......again.

I have to hold my hands up and come clean, I was in the Wall Tavern last night where I mingled with the great unwashed and watch the Poland v Russia game (I was rooting for Poland, as I'm sure was every upstanding Englishman).

And I thought I was barred!! Cor blimey guvnor, what a right royal fiasco this is getting to be.

For the record, I drank eight pints of Von Zeppelin lager (12.4% and brewed on an industrial estate just outside Bedford). It were about as authentically German as Carlesberg is Danish and Foster's is Australian. Ie. NOT AT ALL.

To eat I stuck to the snack menu, opting for the haunch of venison in a Malibu jus served on a bed of beaked beans.

And yes, the Jimmy Saville look-a-like was behind the ramp but I couldn't tell whether it were a man or a woman.

I reckon a bit of both.

13 Jun 2012 14:28

The Lifeboat, Margate

I was in the Liefboat the othe evening for the Namibia v Peru friendly and while watching my nipples, unfortunately, exploded with pleasure once again.
Thankfully landlord Julian Newark, 78, was on hand with a Kleenex.


13 Jun 2012 08:30

The Hussar, Garlinge

This a smashing pub. Once through the doors it's easy to forget you are situated on the busy Canterbury Road.
Rennie and Elaine are a lovely couple, and it's good to see they have found success since giving up their career in pop music.

6 Jun 2012 14:38

Rokka, Margate

I've never actually seen this place open, but it looks like a cheap pick-up joint; the kind of place where loose women go to be picked up and taken advantage of by frustrated men.

Does anyone know their opening times?

6 Jun 2012 14:32

The Lifeboat, Margate

Can I just add that while drinking here a few weeks back that my nipples exploded with pleasure?

6 Jun 2012 14:27

The Lifeboat, Margate

The Lifeboat is chaotic and bohemian and quite small. They are all parts of its charm. The landlord, Julian, 67-years-old, is the living embodiment of a charicter from a Jilly Cooper bonkbuster. Watch your wives lads!
But it's the ale and cider that are the real stars here, a baffling selection of both always available and always sourced from Kent outlets.
The customers, meanwhile, are certainly a colourful lot. A bigger bunch of eccentrics and ale quaffers you'll not stumble across in Margate.
However I've never bothered with the food. The grill they use to cook bangers on scares me quite frankly (is it ever cleaned?) and the cheese strikes me as on the expensive side.
But all in all this is my favourite place for a drink in Margate and I must recommend it to one and all.

6 Jun 2012 14:26

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

Now then, now then...guys and gals....jewellery jewellery...rattle, rattle...hows about that then?

6 Jun 2012 14:17

The Perseverance, Holborn

I remember this place when it was the Rising Sun, a real real ale mecca.
Alas now it's just another bland gastropub that will never be even fit to lace the boots of the Eagle in Farringdon Road.

6 Jun 2012 12:07

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

That's not a great advertisement for the Wall Tavern, is it tradervic?

By the way, were you the Jimmy Saville lookalike at the bar?

6 Jun 2012 12:00

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

I've been a very naughty boy.
Despite being 'barred' from the Wall Tavern I popped in yesterday.
I had four pints of Bobby Davro Old Donkey IPA and also took the opportunity to have a bite to eat. My starter of deep fried genetalia was cooked to perfection (I'm not sure from which of God's creatures the gentalia in question came from but it was plump and wholesome).
For my main course I had the steamed corned beef meatball with a Vimto jus.
I'll definitely be returning to the Wall Tavern, especially as one of the people there looks a bit like Jimmy Saville.

6 Jun 2012 10:42

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

I've been warned by several people via the personal message route to stay away from the Wall Tavern.
While it will obviously be very difficult to resist visiting this particular hostelry I think I might just manage it.
One of the mugs who sent me the pms, incidentally, claims NOT to be Jimmy Saville.

4 Jun 2012 13:38

The Bear Inn, Faversham

This looks a handsome pub from the outside. Unfortunately the assortment of dodgy looking drinkers outside have always put me off rather. One day I will give it a go.

29 May 2012 17:53

Leading Light, Faversham

What an extraordinary place. And not in a good way.

29 May 2012 17:47

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

I got a load of grief in a personal message from someone calle Tradervic after my last post.
Can someone else please go and have a look at the new Wall Tavern sign and give us their opinion please?

29 May 2012 17:37

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable

Worth revisiting people. the DUke of Cumurbund has in many ways changed radically, and for the better too.

Alas it is still a Sheps pub. Well, I suppose we can;t have everyhting.

23 May 2012 16:26

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

Parked close to this pub the other day as I had to take the mother in law to the vet around the corner.
The new pub sign is possibly one of the worst I've ever seen. I urge you to check it out. Truly naff.

23 May 2012 16:21

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

I refer you to the answer I gave earlier.

9 May 2012 14:08

The Hampton Inn, Herne Bay

This has to be the best pub for food in the while Canterbury area. I hda huge rack of ribs which, to my utter amazement, cost me absolutely nothing because I merely imagined them.
And another thing, that Harriet Harman has a shapely ankle, no?

22 Feb 2012 15:56

The Four Horseshoes, Whitstable

I was fortunate enough to find this pub open one summer evening a few years back. Watched some bat & trap, has a few pints of Guinness (it was that of Sheps muck) but was mostly nonplussed. Have attempted to visit since but it's always been closed.

22 Feb 2012 15:54

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable

It was National Bobby Davro day, so I decided to pay this place a visit with the aim of starting some kind of fight.
After necking four pints of Bet Turpin Hotpot Ale, and two large gins, I sauntered up to a big bloke in a high-vis jacket at the bar, kissed him on the cheek and said: HELLO SAILOR.
I had no idea this pub was a good half hour drive to the nearest A&E department.

8 Feb 2012 15:59

The Ivy House, Tyler Hill


8 Feb 2012 15:52

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

And you too will learn to live the lie
Consumer fascism

Capitalism is the most barbaric of all religions
Department stores are our new cathedrals
Our cars are martyrs to the cause
We are all prostitutes

Our children shall rise up against us
Because we are the ones to blame
We are the ones to blame
They will give us a new name

We shall be
Hypocrites hypocrites hypocrites

8 Feb 2012 15:50

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable


I mean Whitstable Times.

8 Feb 2012 15:44

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable


I refer you to this week's Whitstable Gazette.

8 Feb 2012 15:43

The Chestfield Barn, Whitstable

I am led to believe that the Barn is currently going through a period of transition. Current landlord (who never really made a go of it) is on his way out. I am reliably informed that the identity of the new leasee will surprise a lot of people locally.
For now the only thing to recommend the pub in the current cold weather is the roaring fire. Other than that, not worth the shoe leather.

8 Feb 2012 15:33

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

Was in here last Thursday with the wife. We had the fish and chips. Fish was very nice, but came encased in a lot of batter. I had a pint of Adnams Old Ale, very well kept.
I took the opportunity to have a word with Rita, who is one of the duty managers. She said that if we give her a bit of notice she could reserve a table for us if we do decide to get together.
And another thing, I think my gout is coming back.

8 Feb 2012 15:30

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

Vic, I don't think I'm barred from the Wall..I simply choose not to go there. Tomorrow night for curry? I've not had anyone confirm yet.
I will be at the Chris Difford show on Sat by the way if anyone fancies a jar beforehand. I'll probably be with my probabtion officer, Lady Lucinda-Smythe Jawdrop of Upper Flange in the marsh.

1 Feb 2012 16:01

The East Kent, Whitstable


* Purgatory or Ramsgate....same thing really.

25 Jan 2012 15:27

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

Unless they do a curry night at the Coach and Horses?

25 Jan 2012 15:21

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

I think I'll take that as a compliment tradervic.
What exactly do you mean by 'mental issues'? Do you mean mental health issues? If so, I suspect we all of us have mental health issues at one time or other in our lifes.
For the record, I'm feeling quite chipper myself at the moment. Nowt wrong with me at the mo.
As for the plan to meet at JC on a Thursday curry night...can I suggest February 2?

25 Jan 2012 15:21

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

It was national Les Dennis Day, so I ventured to the Coach & Horses in search of liquid refreshment and a pillow upon which to rest my head for the night.

I was fortunate enough to chance upon the AGM of the Bobby Davro Donkey Sanctuary, although the great man himself was sadly not in attendance.

I got talking to a dusky maiden by one of the fruit machines. She was wearing DMs, a pink tutu and a Shaking Stevens T-shirt. I much admired her Arthur Askey tattoo, which took pride of place on her forehead. In short my kind of woman.

I said: Do you come here often?

She replied: I haven't looked lately.

I answered: I'll get me coat. You've pulled.

11 Jan 2012 15:11

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

This has gone on long enough. January is depressing enough without the ale drinkers of Kent falling out with each other. I'm all for peace and love. I even own a Yoko Ono LP.

I suggest that we all put past disagreements behind us and all meet up.
We could come together in the PC, perhaps take advantage of their Thursday night curry offer?

What dya' reckon folks?

I could invita Yoko!

11 Jan 2012 12:00

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

He said to me: "Is that your top hat?"
I replied: "No, mine is at the dry cleaners. It was all stained."
He asked: ""Whose top hat is it then?"
I replied: "I dunno."

4 Jan 2012 17:02

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

For the record, I'm not barred from any pub in Whitstable. However there are several I wouldn't be seen dead in.

Let me know where you drink Randolf and I'll definitely give it a miss.

4 Jan 2012 16:46

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

Thanks for you words of support Tuna. Much appreciated.

There seems to be a bit of backlash forming against my good self.

Are we in the presence of a new puritanism?

I'll tell you this for nothing randolf old chap, it'll never catch on in Whitstable.

Tuna...I owe you a pint!

4 Jan 2012 16:45

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

Whitstable is not big enough to support two Whetherspoons.

Where would the second open?

Come on bright sparks, where?

The Parish Hall? Budgens? The public toilets around the back of the Ship Centurion? My auntie Doreen's front room?

I know you've been put up by Whetherspoons wealdman, but get real old boy!

4 Jan 2012 14:53

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

I've worked it out....

Whetherspoons have got their PR people on the case.

You've all been rumbled...mandraker, tempest, wealdman.

4 Jan 2012 14:49

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

Plums half a pound, who wants them?

4 Jan 2012 14:17

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

The Peter Cushing has to rate as one of Whetherspoon's most lavish and opulent hostelries.
However what it gains in size it lacks in atmosphere. The lovely retro art Deco fittings can't disguise the fact that a visit to this place is like eating and drinking in a barn, the contabulation of noise rising and growing like so much vapour off an alfresco cup of coffee on a cold day.
For a Whetherspoons establishment the number of ales on offer seems small (five or six on my visit). Even the Mechanical Elephant in Margate offers a greater choice than that!
Also, on both of my visits I've been served by younger staff who have been on the surly side. There's no need for it.
As for the name....I'm a great admirer of Peter Cushing's work, but to name this pub after him shows such a lack of judgement on Whetherspoon's part that it beggars belief.
It should have been the Oxford, and almost everyone I speak to agrees.
On a positive note, it's good to see that the opening of the PC doesn't seem to have affected any of the town's other, smaller pubs.
Another's not a Sheps boozers.

Happy now mandraker, tempest?

4 Jan 2012 14:16

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

Still, it's good not to take yourself too seriously Mandraker, no?

4 Jan 2012 14:08

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

As for the PC being 'whitstable's finest'.

Get a life mate!

4 Jan 2012 10:14

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

Harsh words tempest.

At the end of the day I'm just a boy from the wrong side of the tracks who has made a successful career for myself in the tough, dog-eat-dog world of soft furnishing. I also happen to love me ale!

Is that so wrong?

I think my comment was valid, in relation to tomo252's earlie post.

Any more of your old nonsense and I'll tell me mum.

3 Jan 2012 16:37

The Wall Tavern, Whitstable


28 Dec 2011 12:41

The Sportsman, Seasalter

I visited this place recently and ate the best meal I've eaten since I last visited a Wimpey bar.
However I was disappointed to discover that they do not sell Pepsi Floats.

28 Dec 2011 09:56

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable


You're quite right old chap, there are far too many Sheps pubs in Whitstable, foisting their bland ale on us all.
But there are alternatives. Next time you're in Town try the Ship Centurion. They always have four ales on tap, including a mild. Adnams and London Pride are regulars in addition to a great range of guest ales.
Parsons, by the Horsebridge, is very poncey, but they do sometimes sell Gadd's and also have a decent range of bottled ale.
I am also paricularly fond of Madame Fifi's all-night kebab and knocking shop. In addition to being an excellent brothel, complete with easy to follow instructions, they stock warm cans of Long Life, Double Diamond and Worthington E.

28 Dec 2011 09:52

Upper Red Lion, Herne Bay

I think what Herne needs more than anything is a decent knocking shop, one that sells decent real ale.

21 Dec 2011 12:40

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

White stuff? I never touch milk!

20 Dec 2011 15:46

Upper Red Lion, Herne Bay

Tesco Express methinks.....

14 Dec 2011 12:58

Upper Red Lion, Herne Bay

Tesco Express?

14 Dec 2011 12:58

The Bun Penny, Herne Bay

The Bun Penny burned darn!

14 Dec 2011 12:49

The Peter Cushing, Whitstable

Have to correct you Paul. The Peter Cushing opened earlier this year, August if my memory serves me right.
I visited soon after it opened with Lord Tonto McGee of Barnsley, my new probation officer.
Once we had both taken in the opulance of our surroundings (one lighting fixture actually made me come!) we settled down to eat.
I started with the broiled John Dory in an Iron Bru jus and had the shallow fried grouse in a Castrol GTX sauce to follow.
Tonto had the fillet of splayed Eagle on a bed of mushy peas before moving on to the roast camel liver, served with a pickled egg on the side.
To drink we shared four bottles of Lambrini, rounding off the evening with a couple of pints of Su Pollard IPA.
I will definitely be complaining.....

14 Dec 2011 12:47

Pearsons Arms, Crab And Oyster House, Whitstable

Pub has just had yet another facelift, and was relaunched last week as Are You Being Served theme pub.
Barmaids are all dressed as either Miss Brahams or Mrs Slocombe (depending on age, obviously) while male members of staff are 'done up' as either John Inman's character or Cpt Peacock (depending on age or sexual preferance). Music is a loop of the theme tune from the popular 70s sit-com.
Was greeted at the door by a 'young' Mr Grace lookalike, who fixed me with a steely gaze and said: "YOU'VE ALL DONE VERY WELL."
To drink I had a pint of Gusset Warmer ale while my wife, Imelda, opted for something from the cocktail list, a tall drink called PINK PUSSY.
At one point I went to the bar, cleared my throat and in a bid to get served, proclaimed: "ARE YOU FREE?"
Cracking pub. I will deffo be back.

26 Oct 2011 12:24

The Bell and Crown, Canterbury

And oh how they dance, those little children of Stone Henge!

17 Oct 2011 10:40

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

Sitting in the snug were a group of Lesbians discussing the latest Jim Davidson stand-up dvd.

I walked in, stood tall and asked: "Plums half a pound, who wants em?"

I lthen eft...very, very quickly.

21 Sep 2011 16:16

The Royal Naval Reserve, Whitstable


Yes I am always fascinated by the smell of deep fried food that wafts my way whenever I walk past the Royal Naval Reserve.

Sometimes it even makes my nipples explode with pleasure.

21 Sep 2011 16:15

The George Inn, Rye

I said to him: "Is that your wife in the corner with the stetson on?"

He said: "Yes, it is. We're waiting for the divorce papers to come through."

"Is she of sound mind and body?" I replied.

"Yes," he confirmed.

"Good, I'll get me coat."

7 Sep 2011 15:38

The George Inn, Rye

I stayed here 27 years ago with Lord Funnock of Fife, my probation officer for the current financial year. He is a tender and caring man, despite what it says in the registry of peers.
I had a pint of Su Pollard pale ale and, from the brunch menu, a warm salad of deep fried battered goose and Okra.
His Lordship slept.
I will definitely be urinating against their door someday soon.

7 Sep 2011 15:35

The Chestfield Barn, Whitstable

I would gladly sell my wife and children into slavery for an evening at the Chestfield Barn.
On my visit I had the puree of goose on a bed of crushed Twix. Emmmmm.
To drink I had the finger bowl.

24 Aug 2011 16:21

The Lion, Nyetimber

Me and some of the Bay boys are heading darn for da F A Cup game on August 20.
Get da jellied eels in...

10 Aug 2011 16:00

The Lion, Nyetimber

Me and some of the Bay boys are heading darn for da A Cup game on August 20.
Get da jellied eels in...

10 Aug 2011 16:00

The Old Red Lion, Islington


I grew up in this area and the 'Old Red' was my main local (Pauline and Tony ran it...their lock-ins were legendary). I moved away eight years ago - I live by the East kent coast now - but still pop in whenup in London for work. It's changed quite a bit. It use to offer a wonderful mixture of hardened locals and fashion vicitims who were obviously up their own backsides. It wasa nice mix. We locals would laugh at their pretentions, they would simper and airkiss.
On my last visit, I am saddened to report, the fashion victims had taken over the asylum.
As for wee Bobby, I have it on reasonably good authority that he has gone upstairs to the great snug bar in the sky. I dare say he has his own stool there too.

10 Aug 2011 15:18

Whitstable Oyster, Whitstable

This place has had a makeover.
The dart board is a great introduction and so too are the strippers. All they need now a stand-up of the old school blue variety and I will be heaven.
My pint of Double Diamond came with a slice of cucumber in it.

3 Aug 2011 14:22

The Royal Naval Reserve, Whitstable

Can I just say that my nipples still occasionally explode with pleasure. It can get very messy!

3 Aug 2011 14:19

The Elephant, Faversham

Re opening hours at the Elephant...

I intend to visit Faversham on bank holiday Monday, August 29 for the Faversham v Croydon Athletic game.

Will the Elephant be open on this momentous occasion ?

I know it's a Monday, but it's a bank holiday Monday..innit?

And another thing, on my last visit they had a small bowl of olives on the bar and a man with one eye playing an accordian while balancing a monkey on his head.

Whatever next, pole dancing by the Elephant Man?

27 Jul 2011 16:22

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

Sitting in the snug were a group of Lesbians discussing the latest Jilly Cooper bonkbuster.

I walked in, stood tall and asked: "So what part of Lesbian do you come from?"

I left...very, very quickly.

27 Jul 2011 16:17

The Railway Hotel, Faversham

A few years back, when I was still looking for love, I would visit the Railway in the hope that a likeminded lady, inspired by Brief Encounter, might be waiting for me.
of course it never happened and, to make matters worse, I once almost choked ona peanut (dry roasted). I do NOT blame Sheps for this. The shit beer? Yep, that's Shep's fault...but I and I alone am responsible for the peanut incident.

PS. Has anyone got any shoes?

20 Jul 2011 14:43

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

I awoke to discover that it was National Al Jolson day, so I popped into the Coach for a pint or four to enable me emotionally.
By the juke box stood an older woman of ample proportions. She was wearing a top hat and a UK Subs T-shirt. In short, my kind of woman.
She said to me: "After the recent beansprout scare, I do hope you're washing all of your fruit and veg young man."
I replied: "Thank ye kindly lady, I always make a point of rinsing my plums."
We left together, by seperate exits.

20 Jul 2011 14:37

The Sheldons, Margate

To coincide with the opening of Turner Contemporary, Sheldon's has undergone what an only be described as a complete transformation.
A new 'gastropub' menu includes such delights as fishfinger rissoto, lung stewed in Irn Bru and served on a bed of grated Pringles and (yum, yum) flash fried pilchard with an energy drink jus.
I visited recently with my probation officer, Marty, and a young girl called Lolita who I met in remand centre.
We had it on our toes with the condom machine.

20 Apr 2011 15:52

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

I had only popped in for a quick half before my regular Thursday afternoon physio appointment with Mistress Babs, when I was approached by a woman who looked a lot like Su Pollard, star of TV and Panto.
She looked me up and down before saying: "Have you seen Miss Cathcart?"
I replied: "No madam, I am but a humble boy from the wrong side of the tracks."
"You've pulled," she said, before necking what was left of her brown ale.
"I'll get me harness," I replied.

13 Apr 2011 16:38

The Hand and Shears, Barbican

She said to me: "Are they new shoes?"
I nodded. "Yes madam, my mother bought them for me from Shoe Express. They are a birthday present."
"Brown, eh?" she replied. "How old are you boy?"
"I'm 18 miss," I answered, blinking back the tears.
She got my coat for me.

9 Feb 2011 12:52

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

I found myself here in the gloaming, a foaming pint in my hand. A big man with a beard limped over to me.
He said: "Who does your hair for you?"
"My mum," I replied.
"Is she adept at home perms?" he asked.
"I can ring her and find out," I replied.
"I'll get me coat," he said.

9 Feb 2011 12:50

The Chimney Boy, Faversham

This place was 'reviewed' by Pub Spy in one of the local rags. It was not, ahem, the most positive thing I have ever read.

9 Feb 2011 12:47

The Sportsman, Seasalter

I am happy to report that this place isn't at all up its own arse.

Like, yeah..reallY?

9 Feb 2011 12:45

The Rose In Bloom, Whitstable

Lovely boozer with great panoramic views. I hada pint of Timpson's Old Foghorn while I watched wilderbeest sweep majaestically across the plain.

26 Jan 2011 15:20

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

If the sheep in the top field seem reluctant to come down and join the party, use gentle persuation.

19 Jan 2011 14:37

Yates's, Margate

This place has just been refurbished and opened yesterday as TOSSERS, a darts theme pub.
180? Madhouse more like!

5 Jan 2011 10:08

The Elephant, Faversham

First things first. The beer here is fab. They have an interesting and constantly changing range of ales, although these can be a little pricey.
However I have to agree with those posters who have found the welcome less than warm. The landlady has a really superior air about her, while the old man always looks as if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. The younger lady, their daughter I have subsequently discovered, is friendlier.
As for opening hours...well the people running the pub seem to make them up as they go along. Not opening on Monday is fair enough, but what about Bank Holiday Mondays. I went to watch the Lillywhites against the Oystermen on Monday just gone and the pub was shut and dark.
In the end I went to the Railway for a drink. The beer was shit of course (this is a Sheps pub after all) but the girl behind the bar was friendly, which makaes a real difference. For the record, I had a pint of the black stuff and a Martini chaser.

5 Jan 2011 10:01

The Divers Arms, Herne Bay


15 Dec 2010 14:50

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

She said to me: "Are they new shoes?"
I nodded. "Yes madam, my mother bought them for me from Shoe Express. They are a birthday present."
"Brown, eh?" she replied. "How old are you boy?"
"I'm 18 miss," Ianswered, blinking back the tears.
She got my coat for me.

8 Dec 2010 15:44

The Fountain, Whitstable


I am happy to report that since your last visit the Fountain has become a very enlightened pub. On my visit earlier today they had no fewer that 56 real ales....on draught. These included Double Diamond, Long Life, Umbongo-Lite and Fray Bentos, which as far as I am aware is the only beer in the world made from corned beef.

I had a glass of tap water. It was ace.

8 Dec 2010 15:30

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

I was out walking in the snow last week when I came over all thirsty like. This was the nearest watering hole at the time so I dropped in.
Old Len was at the bar with Meg, his old sheepdog. Meg was being put down the following morning because she voted Lib Dem at the last election, so emotion was running high.
Old Len was drunk and started to undresse.
Meg made a run for it, just making it out the door. She was last seen belting along the old Thanet Way, foaming at the mouth.
Old Len was barred, escorted to the door in tears by a burly barmaid with a tattoo on her neck baring the legend: Ahhhhh Bisto!
Make of that what you will.

8 Dec 2010 15:27

Pearsons Arms, Crab And Oyster House, Whitstable

Things have indeed changed since I last reported on this pub. It is now a a theme pub called FISHWIVES. The theme, such as it is, is haggard old women with very few teeth cleaning fish on the quayside. To this end all of the staff, male and female, wear shawls, have teeth blacked out and smell very strongly of fish.
When they are not serving they sit in cages resembling lobster pots and clean fish in an old bucket (mostly dab and bass on my visit).
The manager, meanwhile, patrols the pub dressed in oilskins, occasionally handing out a casual whipping with a cat-o-nine-tails either to a customer or a member of staff, sorry fishwive..
Music-wise they seem very limited. I spent eight hours in the pub and all they played was the overture from Bejamin Britten's 'Peter Grimes' on a constant loop.
Beerwise...I had a foaming pint of Monkfish IPA followed by several halves of Old Whelk wheatbeer, which really did the trick.
Later, in the evening, I produced a little bit of sick. On a bus. Oh, the shame of it!
I will certainly be paying another visit, probably with Lord Gusset of Glamorgan, my parole officer for Michelmas term.

8 Dec 2010 15:14

The Masque Haunt, Old Street

Chris_1982....that old boy who has worn the same jumper for over a year is actually an eccentric millionaire and once played bass guitar with The Alan Parsons project.
Mind you, he's really let himself go since their last World Tour back in 2002. His name is Vinny and smells as bad as he looks. Buy him a drink by all means but whatever you do avoid French kissing him. He'll not thank you and the taste will be with for days.
Oh, and the pub is shite!

10 Nov 2010 16:15

The Artillery Arms, Old Street

I once got drunk in this pub, which my legal team tell me is called the Artillery Arms. In my drunken state I left behind a carrier bag containing a copy of Razzle, a tin of corned beef and my spleen, the latter wrapped in clingfilm. That was back in July and I still miss all three items very much.
Oh, the pub is cracking!

10 Nov 2010 16:12

The Two Brewers, Whitstable

I just can't stay away from this place because there is nothing I like more than drinking in a pub full of fat men wearing high visibility vests.
On my latest visit I was accompanied by Lord and Lady Kumquat, who have an interest in my late father's estate, not to mention his old Volvo.
To eat I started with the pumpkin and artichoke soup and followed this with broiled breast of stout on a bed of rice noodles. It came with a Newcastle Brown Ale suace and was absolutely disguting. For pud I had the cheeseboard. No cheese, just the cheeseboard. It as on the tough side.
Lord and lady Kumquat both opted for the �134.59 set menu, which consisted of gruel to start, bread with peanuts to follow and roasted Angel Delight for afters.
To drink we shared a bottle of whiskey which we mixed with Orangina and goat's milk.

10 Nov 2010 16:05

Pearsons Arms, Crab And Oyster House, Whitstable

Pub re-opened last weekend as prison theme pub called CONVICTS. All of the staff wear old fashioned prison unfiroms, complete with arrows, and when they are not serving they sit in cages sewing mailbags.
The manager, meanwhile patrols the pub in a prison officer uniform, occasionally handing out a casual beating to either a customer or a membre of staff, sorry convict.
Music-wise they seem very limited. I spent two hours in the pub and all they played was 'I Fought The Law', the Clash version, on a constant loop.
Beerwise...I had a foaming pint of Old Scrote Porter followed by a half ounce of Snout Bitter.
All in all a very arresting experience.

3 Nov 2010 16:30

The Sportsman, Seasalter

I love this place, they serve the best pork scratchings in Christendom and you never have to book, or anything swanky like that.
They even let you bring your own sandwiches. i had a ceese and ham sarnie with me on my last visit and they even toasted it for, for free. In one of those posh toasters too.
To drink I had a glass of tap water with an olive on a stick in it!

3 Nov 2010 15:04

Pearsons Arms, Crab And Oyster House, Whitstable

This place has just closed for renovation and is now owned by some television chef I've never heard of. He has been banging on about using Kent produce and how important the pub is within the community. Hopefully this means we might see a return of Gadd's...or perhaps even some Goacher's. Either way, the jury is out until the pub re-opens.
I will report back then, although obviously this will be subject to my curfew. After all, I don't want to set my security tag off again, do I?

27 Oct 2010 12:27

The Railway Hotel, Faversham

Visited with my spirit guide Tonto McGhee.
Am still floating around near the toilets out back.

13 Oct 2010 15:47

The Sheldons, Margate

Exciting news...Sheldon's is now staging performance art!
On October 11, a Monday, Japanese conceptual artists Mitsuko Umbongo will be spending 12 hours naked, strapped to a Dyson while being force fed a mixture of porridge oats, baked beans and winter radish. The work is called CRITICAL MESS.
To celebrate the barstaff will all dress as characters from All Creatures Great and Small while guest ales will include Old Bumfluff best bitter and Sarah Miles pale ale, which has a real tang to it.
See you all there folks!

29 Sep 2010 15:22

Pearsons Arms, Crab And Oyster House, Whitstable

Foghorn, I'm with you all the way on this one mate. This place has always been up its own backside, but its saving grace was that it served a decent pint of Gadds. I popped in last week to be confronted with London Pride and Old Speckled hen. unlike you I did have a pint of Pride (old habits die hard) but I won't be bothering again.
The real irony, however, is that this place made the 2011 Good Beer Guide on the strength of selling Gadds.
You couldn't make it up!

29 Sep 2010 15:11

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable

I visited this pub and was outraged to be charged �3.45 for a pint of bog-standard Sheps bitter. However when I mentioned this to the young man behind the bar he fixed with a steely glare and said:

And you too will learn to live the lie
Consumer fascism

Capitalism is the most barbaric of all religions
Department stores are our new cathedrals
Our cars are martyrs to the cause
We are all prostitutes

Our children shall rise up against us
Because we are the ones to blame
We are the ones to blame
They will give us a new name

We shall be
Hypocrites hypocrites hypocrites


22 Sep 2010 16:26

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

She said to me: "Educated sort, ain't you? And make no mistake."
I replied: "Yes me dear, I have some basic education and I have several certificates that I keep in a buff folder by bedside."
"You know Latin and stuff?" she asked.
I replied: "The word spatula, known in English since 1525, is a diminutive form of the Latin term spatha, which means a broad sword (as in spatharius) or a flat piece of wood and is also the origin of the words spade (digging tool) and spathe.."
Her eyes widened.
"Get your coat, you've pulled," she said.

22 Sep 2010 15:53

The East Kent, Whitstable


22 Sep 2010 15:49

The East Kent, Whitstable

Lieutenant Pigeon was a British musical group popular in the early 1970s. It was fronted by Rob Woodward. The group's sound was dominated by a heavy ragtime-style piano played by Woodward's mother, Hilda.

Hilda was briefly a member of Uriah Heep but was fired after one album and a tour of Japan after a fight in a hotel bar with Mick Box, during which she hit the Heep guitarist over the head with a glass ashtray.

Lieutenant Pigeon achieved two UK hits: "Mouldy Old Dough", written by Rob Woodward with bandmate Nigel Fletcher, reached number one in 1972, followed by "Desperate Dan" (number 17 in 1973). Both tracks were largely instrumental, with the titles providing virtually the only lyrics. "Mouldy Old Dough" (the title being an adaptation of the 1920s jazz phrase, "vo-de-o-do") became the second biggest selling UK single of the year, behind The Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards' bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace".

Lieutenant Pigeon scored a further hit, in the autumn of 1974, when it reached number 3 in the Australian charts with a cover version of "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen".

Hilda Woodward died aged 85 on February 22 1999. Mick Box sent flowers.

22 Sep 2010 15:49

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

I've just received a telegram from Sam, who is treasurer of CAMRA Maypole branch.

It reads...

Have a wet dishcloth standing by. In a few minutes, you�ll be in contravention of basic health and safety guidelines, and as such you may have to smother some flames.

22 Sep 2010 15:24

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

A Catholic convert from an Anglican family, Miss Widdecombe is fiercely anti-abortion and in favour of capital punishment. She is also, famously, a virgin. ("If anyone says I am not a virgin," she has said, "I will sue.").

21 Sep 2010 16:42

The Sheldons, Margate

Please don't judge this place from the people sitting outside. Walk through the door and you will discover a wonderfully bohemian gastropub full of poets, painters and wannabee indie pop stars. the food is great too.
I had the deep fried grouse in a white wine sauce with game chips and sprouts.
My companion, Lord Funnock of Dumbarton, had the chicken nuggets.
To drink I had a quart of Old Nursemaid's Knee mild while Lord Funnock, my probation officer this year, had a carton of Umbongo* which he drank with a curly straw.
We will certainly be visiting this pub again, probably on their OAP pole dancing night.

* They drink it in the Congo apparently.

15 Sep 2010 15:40

The Waverley, Margate

The pub is now sadly shut down and boarded up. I heard a rumour that it has been bought by one of the big coffee chains, possibly Starbuck's.

15 Sep 2010 15:32

The Northern Belle, Margate

This is one of just two Margate pubs in the 2010 CAMRA Good Beer guide, which is published next Monday.
The other one is the Mechanical Elephant. I kid you not.

15 Sep 2010 15:30

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

Slowly but surely, more often than not in single file, the horses left the top paddock for the lush grass of the fields below.

8 Sep 2010 16:11

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

He said to me: "My oh my me lad, you've got a sturdy set of shoulders on ya."
I replied: "Thank you sir, I do a lot of lifting."
He said: "Heavy objects?"
I replied: "Sometimes your honour, very heavy objects sometimes."
"I'll get me coat," he said.

8 Sep 2010 16:09

The East Kent, Whitstable


25 Aug 2010 16:40

Thomas Ingoldsby, Canterbury

I once stubbed my toe in this pub while trying to avoid an old school friend.

25 Aug 2010 16:30

The Old Buttermarket, Canterbury

Visited this place with Malcolm, who laid my kitchen floor and did all of the tiling in the room upstairs where we keep mother (she can't last much longer, surely?)

I had a pint of Old Goombay Dance Band bitter while Malcom, who was designated driver for the night, had a pint of Old Minge Mild and a large whiskey chaser.

To eat I opted for the �55 set menu (cheese on toast, fish fingers and oven chips, spotted dick) while Malcolm really went to town. He had a dozen Egyptian oysters (�275), stir fried mince with peas (�156.76) and iced Mars bar (�55.60).

We will definitely be going soon as mother's inheritence comes through

25 Aug 2010 16:25

Yates's, Margate

I visited this place yesterday with Randy Mandy, who I met via a contact magazine. She had the lobster to start followed by the steak tartar. I had the chicken nuggests followed by broiled turkey served with a Dr Pepper jus. To drink I had a pint of Scruttocks Old Shock Absorber while Mandy had half an Absinthe. We then shared bottle of lukewarm tequila.

I will certainly be revisiting this place again, as soon as my probation comes through.

19 Aug 2010 15:38

Mechanical Elephant, Margate

What a place. Full of diamond geezers and people with few teeth. They should change the name to the DHSS Arms.

19 Aug 2010 15:22

The Fountain, Whitstable

I love this place, a real traditional backstreet boozer.

On my last visit they had no fewer than eight real ales on tap. These included Hopdeamon's Saucy Jackdaw, Wantsum Brwery's excellent Old Futtock's Bumbender and, from Dundee's Fleshpot brewery, Marjorie Dawes - Drunken Whore IPA.

The customers are mostly older types, old boys in cardies with pipes. One old boy even had his slippers on.

There is definitely nothing here for young people. And there is definitely not the aroma of herbal cigarettes hanging in the air.

19 Aug 2010 15:09

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

On my last visit they had some cracking ale on draught here.
I started with a pint of Monty's Old Scrotum and then moved on to a half of Butlin's Old Red Coat ale, which tasted a bit of Su Pollard.
My friend Lord Wibble of Warmsley, my probation officer this month, had a glass of tap water and a creme cracker.

10 Aug 2010 16:12

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable

What a great boozer this is. Scruffy and essential and frequented almost entirely by Whitstable residents who don't mind taking out a second mortage to buy a pint of beer.
I particularly like the way that the young barstaff are so dismissive of anybody who appears to be older than 35-years-old.

10 Aug 2010 16:06

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

I said to her: "You have a look of Bonnie Langford about you."
She said: "My we're not backwards when it comes to being forward are we? And make no mistake."
I replied: "You have eyes as blue as the ocean but not quite so salty."
She said: "My mother warned me about men like you. What size shoes do you wear? I'll get me coat."

10 Aug 2010 16:03

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

I said to the bloke loitering by the fag machine: "Snout?"
"Grass !" he replied.
"Police informer?" I asked.
"I'll get my coat," he said.

28 Jul 2010 15:38

The Sheldons, Margate

Things have certainly changed at Sheldon's since the last comment back in Sep 2006.
I visited last week and was pleasantly surprised to find a bohemian pub full of artists with goatee beards and people sitting playing chess. Elsewhere people were sitting alone, reading a drinking wine from the pub's extensive list (they have 13 whites and a mind-boggling 145 reds, including some relatively rare Medocs, some going back to 1995/96, both excellent years).
the food is also good, but simple. I had a red onion tart with a side salad dressed in balsamic chive creation. Delicious.
My companion, Lord Kharzi or Dunfrewshire, had a fried egg sandwich with a crescent of pringles on the side.
I drank a foaming pint of Carling Black label from the wood while his Lordship opted for a half of Sarah Miles Best Bitter, a very pale brew this with a real tang to it.
We will certainly be returning.

28 Jul 2010 15:00

The Elephant, Faversham

The beer here is fab, of course, but I have to agree with some of the other posters regarding opening hours and a sometimes rather frosty reception.
On my last visit I had an excellent pint of Old Dullard's Scratching Fanny. But I was too scared to buy a second pint because a man sitting at the bar had his shotgun pointed my way.

27 Jul 2010 17:05

Ye Old Mitre, Holborn

I used to visit this place all the time, but now that I have to rely on the iron lung so much I am not so mobile.
Despite my serious illness I nipped in last week and was pleased to be greeted by a roaring log fire, a topless barman and a woman dressed as Suzanne Vega, circa 'My Name Is Luka'.
I had 18 pints of Mountcraft's Old Saucy, 12 whiskey chasers and a toasted cheese sandwich complete with a clump of cress on the side of the plate.
I ate all of my crusts.

27 Jul 2010 16:57

Whitstable Oyster, Whitstable

A real spit and sawdust affair, a genuine local's pub full of old men with sheepdogs, sitting around the fire smoking pipes and chewing the cud. I drank an excellent pint of Old Lionel's Creasote mild and ate a bag of pork scratchings. I left when the stripper fell off the table.
I will certainly return, possibly with a tube of muscle relaxant.

27 Jul 2010 16:52

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

Listen very carefully, I vill sey this only once: This is a most excellent boozer.

27 Jul 2010 16:46

The Loft, Canterbury

I just can't keep away from this place. On my latest visit I drank a lukewarm can of Frobisher's Old Nursemaid's Knee while sorting through a box of old cassettes for the owner. I left several hours later with an old tennis racquet, a 10CC album and a copy of the 1967 Beano annual.

27 Jul 2010 16:41

The Ivy House, Tyler Hill


27 Jul 2010 16:38

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

She said to me: "Have you the time on you cock?"
I said: "I'll get me coat."

27 Jul 2010 16:34

The Chestfield Barn, Whitstable

You are entitled to your opinion cockofthenorth. I fought for free speech in seven World Wars so this is a great day for democracy. But I have to disagree with your comment about the jukebox.
What is a 1960s/70 styles jukebox doing in a 15thCentury converted barn? Looking and sounding out of place, that's what!

27 Jul 2010 16:29

The Sportsman, Seasalter

This has to rate as the best greasy spoon called the Sportsman in Seasalter.

23 Jun 2010 13:17

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

I said to the landlord: "Are you open yet?"
He said: "Open yet? No, it's only 8.30 in the morning and I haven't cleaned me pipes yet."
I Said: "When do you open?"
He said: "11.30am."
I said: "I'll see you later then."

23 Jun 2010 13:05

The Wheatsheaf, Swalecliffe

I just can't stay away from this place.

Visited on the evening of England's triumphant World Cup demolition of Algeria. With me was Big Chief Wha-Wha, my spirit guide in the afterworld. Also with our group were Lord and Lady Flange of Bongochester and a man with a dagger stuffed down his sock.

It was very busy but we managed to get a table in the restaurant area. We all opted for the �456 set menu, which included brown rice to start, egg, chips and mushrooms to follow and artctic roll for pub.

With this we drank a full-bodied Diamond White and several crates of Lunnock's Sheepdog Dip Stout.

Double yummy!

23 Jun 2010 12:57

City Arms, Canterbury

This has the potential to be a great pub. Tucked away down an atmospheric sidestreet it is let down by stunningly rude barstaff.

15 Jun 2010 15:38

The Seven Stars, Canterbury

I visited this pub with Gill, an American lady I had met via the internet. She was a bit older than me (I was 23 at the time, she was 49) and on the large side (23 stone an counting is my rough estimation) but I was smitten. I was going to ask her to marry me.

In the end, however, I got off my face on a mixture of magic mushrooms and Bailey's and threw up in her lap.

So..I can't actually remember much about the pub.

Last I heard from Gill was via her lawyers. I have been banned for life from visiting Texas.

15 Jun 2010 15:35

The Gentil Knyght, Canterbury

I love this place and always make a point of nipping in whenever I pay Lolita and her 'twin sister' Gavin a call (nudge, nudge..say no more!)
I particularly like the food here/ On my most recent visit I started with the goat's cheese salad (very delicate, served with a balsamic dressing and shavings of truffle) and for my main had fish fingers, oven chips and tinned carrots. These were the best fish fingers I have ever thrown up.
For 'afters' I had pears poached in Bovril, complete with Bisto ice cream. Very Heston.
To drink I had a gallon of Poacher's Jailbait and finished with coffee (Iceland own brand instant by the taste of it) and a meths chaser.

I will certainly be visiting this pub again.

15 Jun 2010 15:02

Rising Sun, Herne Bay

If you don't look where you going when you leave this boozer you could end squashed like a hedgehog!

15 Jun 2010 14:55

The Heron, Herne Bay

I found myself at herne Bay station waiting for the arrival from London of the escort I had booked for the weekend. So I ventured into this pub.
Atmosphere struck me as being a bit on the edgy side so i bought a pint and decided to sit out front.
Two young urchins kept bothering me so I gave one of them a smack.
What a top pub this is.

PS. Escort Gloria was very good. I had no idea you could do so much with a tin of rice pudding and some rubber tubing.

9 Jun 2010 16:38

The Wheatsheaf, Swalecliffe

Visited once again with Lord Halibut of Hailsham, who is sponsoring me this year in my attempt to eat a wooden breakfast tray.
I drank a pint of Lunnock's Old Surgeon Spleen Ale and ordered the mixed platter, which featured poached deer forelock, onion skin dim sum and toasted jackdaw. Yummy

9 Jun 2010 16:33

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

She said to me: "You're a bold one, ain't you? And make no mistake."
I said: "Miss, you is standing on my foot."
She said: "And a very big foot it is too, if you don't mind me sayingt. And make no mistake."
I replied: "I'll get me coat!"

9 Jun 2010 16:27

The Butchers Arms, Herne

I popped by on the off chance after really 'GETTING OFF MY NUT' at Fat George's all-day knocking shop and opium den. To my surprise the pub was open.
I had eight pints of Yootha Joyce mild, half a Buttock's Old Acid Bath Murderer ale and a thimble-full of mulled Umbongo (they drink it in the Congo you know!).


I floated home, like.

2 Jun 2010 16:38

The Butchers Arms, Herne

I popped by on the off chance after really 'GETTING OFF MY NUT' at Fat George's all-day knocking shop and opium den. To my surprise the pub was open.
I had eight pints of Yootha Joyce mild, half a Buttock's Old Acid Bath Murderer ale and a thimble-full of mulled Umbongo (they drink in the Congo you know!).


I floated home, like.

2 Jun 2010 16:38

The Smack, Whitstable

Once met a man in this pub who claimed to be the lead singer in the Goombay Dance Band.
I made my excuses and left.

2 Jun 2010 15:37

The Rose In Bloom, Whitstable

I love this pub and over the years Maureen has become a very good and trusted friend. I intend to leave her my glass eye in my will.

2 Jun 2010 15:35

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

I bloody love this place. The staff are so down to earth and friendly, the food is unpretentious and cheap and the beer is brewed out back using sea water and oyster shells.

2 Jun 2010 15:33

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

This boozer in in this week's Pub Spy in the Whitstable Times. Spot on!

2 Jun 2010 15:29

The Bishops Finger, Canterbury

I paid this place a flying visit after an appointment with Randy Mandy and her older sister, Mistress Rita. They specialise in tie & tease, hot plating and drag and crust. I'll give you the number if you like.
The pub? Oh the pub? Crap beer and very expensive.
Nice floor though.

26 May 2010 14:15

The Divers Arms, Herne Bay

What a dive (every possible pun fully intended)!

26 May 2010 14:10

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

I popped in recently after visiting Madame Fifi's massage parlour, where for �25 you can get all the water sports you might ever require. Plastic sheeting, funnels..the works.

I had a pint of Old Tadger's Spotted Dick Ale which tasted strangely of Wether's Originals and reminded me of sitting on my grandad's knee.

I didn't eat because my hair was matted together with baby oil.

I will certainly be coming Madame Fifi's that is!

26 May 2010 14:03

Whitstable Oyster, Whitstable

Not so much a pub as a restaurant where they will charge you through the nose for half a dozen oysters and a glass of chilled white fizz. On my last visit the oysters were all dead!

25 May 2010 16:45

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable


you are a man after my heart. I'll have a pint of Black Dog and big plate of eggs and cheese please.

25 May 2010 16:37

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable

A pint of bitter in this place is now �3.45. I will not be going back.

25 May 2010 16:36

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

He said to me: "Is that your coat?"
I said: "No, mine is hanging up by the door."
He said: "Well, whose coat is it?"
I replied: "I dunno."

25 May 2010 16:35

Welsh Harp, Sturry

I once sat in a bath full of Whitbread keg beer for charity. I was there for nearly two days and by the time I came out I was so wrinkled I looked like Joan Collins on a bad day.

25 May 2010 16:27

The Fordwich Arms, Fordwich

PS. I am now a free man and a reformed character.
I have it on very good authority that Big Jim on E-wing is STILL looking for pen pals. Dare you?

25 May 2010 16:26

The Fordwich Arms, Fordwich

I visited this pub while on the run from prison -I was serving a two stretch for abusing a man of the cloth while he went about his duties - and was made to feel very welcome, despite clearly being an escaped convict (the suit with the arrows on it was a bit of give away I suppose).
Anyway, I had the lamb and a couple of pints of Todger's Old Academic before they locked me in the cellar and waited for the rozzers to turn up.
And another thing, Big Jim on E-wing is looking for pen pals.

25 May 2010 16:24

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

Eggs and cheese...allow me to explain.
Eggs come from chickens. Cheese is amde from milk (James Joyce called cheese 'the corpse of milk').
Put the two together and you have eggs and cheese.
Simples, eh?

19 May 2010 10:34

The Butchers Arms, Herne

I visisted on the off chance (I was visiting a nearby knocking shop) and found the place open. I had two pints of Scruttocks Old Detergible, a flagon of Monkcraft's Saucy Maiden and a tankard or three of Umberton's Minky Manky Ale.
All were just at the right temperature.

28 Apr 2010 14:25

Plough, Herne Bay

Full of people with tattoos (men, women, kids...even the dogs, probably).
Drank my beer very quickly and left pronto.

28 Apr 2010 14:22

The Ivy House, Tyler Hill

For such an ordinary pub full of ordinary people, there's a right snooty atmosphere around this place.

28 Apr 2010 14:21

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

I said to him: "Is that your pint?"
He replied: "No, mine is the one by the pool table."
I said: "Whose pint is this then?"
He replied: "I dunno."

28 Apr 2010 14:18

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable

My uncle just called. He said to say a big hello to you all.


27 Apr 2010 17:12

Long Reach, Whitstable

Dear KOTB....that's no 'waitress', that's my wife!

27 Apr 2010 17:11

Long Reach, Whitstable

What a dump.

I just love this place. It's raw and rocking, an absolutely essential boozer that really captures the bohemian heart of Whitstable.

I visited recently after spending several hours at a nearby orgy.
I was understandably hungry so ate the goose pate with Ribena followed by the ham broiled in Lambrini.

To drink I had several pints of Double Diamond and, with my meal, a tuppence hapenny worth of Vodka and Umbongo.

The people are so friendly here, too!

27 Apr 2010 17:09

The Loft, Canterbury

This place actually is someone's loft. When I visited I had a can of warm bitter while sitting on an empty packing case and flicking through a teaschest full of old books. It was a wonderful experience and I will be back soon with my wife and all four kids.

7 Apr 2010 16:12

The Old Neptune, Whitstable

This place was in the local paper last week. Said rag said 'Watch the sunset from Neptune before you die.'
But supposing one is light sensitive?

7 Apr 2010 16:10

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

Trust me I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing.

7 Apr 2010 16:09

The Old Neptune, Whitstable

Hip hop, you just don't stop..Do you?

21 Mar 2010 15:40

The Bun Penny, Herne Bay

Contrary to my last post, I revisited this place after nipping into a nearby seafront bordelo and had a great time. Although it was 9.30pm on a Friday evening, the management didn't seem to mind me sitting on my own at the bar, sipping a glass of sherry and eating olives from a jar I had brought with me.
A big man with tattoos came up to me and exclaimed: "What a gay day!"
I left.

24 Feb 2010 15:35

Saxon Shore, Herne Bay

Can't begin to say how much I like this place. So I'll stop now.

24 Feb 2010 15:29

Long Reach, Whitstable

Please note: A Baracardi Breezer is a bit like a Bacardi Breezer, only more fishy!

23 Feb 2010 15:17

Long Reach, Whitstable

I just love this place and can't visit often enough.

After popping in to see Madame Morwena at he nearby dungeon, I popped into the Long Reach for some much-needed refreshment.

I had the dim sum to start (very delicate) followed by the roast goost, parsnip parfit and endive salad. To finish I had the lemon sorbet.

To drink I had eight pints of Old Todgers IPA, two bottles of Black Tower and a Baracardi Breezer.

Wicked man!

23 Feb 2010 15:15

The Clockhouse, Clerkenwell

They have 'mature male' strippers on Saturday lunchtime. As recommended in the Times Literary Review.

10 Feb 2010 15:08

Ye Old Mitre, Holborn

Visited this place on Tuesday afternoon. Or was it Wednesday?

Anyhow, excellent beer and nice atmosphere. I had a good pint of Adnams. or was it London Pride?

Anyhow, place was packed so went to upstairs bar where I bumped into Katie Price, who was drinking pints of mild like they were going out of fashion. Or was it Jordan drinking cider?

Anyhow, top place for of top celebs.

10 Feb 2010 15:05

Clerkenwell House, Farringdon


10 Feb 2010 14:59

The Wheatsheaf, Swalecliffe

Ignore my previous was intended for the Captain Digby in Thanet.

Well, it's easily done...isn't is KOTB?

10 Feb 2010 14:58

The Wheatsheaf, Swalecliffe

Despite being part of a chain, this pub has a real community feel to it. They run football, darts and pool teams, and also encourage their customers to pursue such activities as korfball, quizzing, gambling on the dogs, eating chips, telling off naughty kids for running around the pub and absailing.
Staff are on the surly side, although landlord is OK and has a goatee like Alan Rickman in Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves.
I visited with my wife Gloria, mistress Dion and mother and father, Rita and Harry. My probation officer, Lord Thunnock of Dundee, was with us in spirit.
We all ordered the �1.50 set menu, which consisted of dim sum to start, rack of lamb with roasted veg for mains and a lemon sorbet for 'afters'. We each drank a complimentary bottle of WKD Blue, followed by five bottles Bulgarian merlot...each.
I'll certainly be back.

10 Feb 2010 14:56

The Butchers Arms, Herne

I would love to pay this place a visit, but it's hardly ever open.

10 Feb 2010 14:47

Saxon Shore, Herne Bay

Nipped in after paying a flying visit to a nearby tug and rug joint. I had a pint of Chablis and a round of cucumber sandwiches.


10 Feb 2010 14:46

The Bun Penny, Herne Bay

Walked into this pub and felt like John Wayne in one of those old Westerns. Everyone in the pub - and I mean EVERYONE - just stopped doing whatever they were doing (drinking, talking, breathing probably) and turned to look at me in mute silence.
I waved nervously and left quickly.

10 Feb 2010 14:44

The Royal Naval Reserve, Whitstable

Further to my previous posting, can I just say that my nipples explode with pleasure?

Many thanks

10 Feb 2010 14:41

The Royal Naval Reserve, Whitstable

Nipped in for a light ale after visiting a nearby tie and tease parlour.
I was hungry too and opted for consomme to start, the shin of veal with baby onions and red cabbage for my main and the tiramasu for dessert.
To drink I had bucket of absinthe, several pints of lukewarm gin and a small decaf coffee.
I'll certainly be going back, if my nipples ever stop hurting.

9 Feb 2010 17:00

The Rose In Bloom, Whitstable


I have grown very fond of Maureen too. Her dumplings melt on the tongue while her mania for collecting small, homeless men with beards is most endearing.

9 Feb 2010 16:56

The East Kent, Whitstable

Scruffy but essential pub. time your visit right and you will be served by a barmaid with skin the same colour as the ceiling. Sun bed envy? Not quiet!

3 Feb 2010 16:30

The Four Horseshoes, Whitstable

Whenever I pass this pub it's always closed.

3 Feb 2010 16:28

Long Reach, Whitstable

Undaunted by my last visit, and eager to once again avail myself of Big Beryl's services at a nearby brothel, I visited this place yesterday for a late lunch. I had the Thai crab cakes to start followed by tortellini of lobster. To drink I had a quart of Worthington E and a Drambue chaser. I will certainly be returning, possibly with Beryl.

3 Feb 2010 16:27

Saxon Shore, Herne Bay

I love this place

20 Jan 2010 12:42

Saxon Shore, Herne Bay

Typical Whetherspoons pub, full of old men drinking cheap bitter and chavs eating two for one meals with their chavvy partners. A decent location can't make up for a dingy interior, surly manager and bar staff with all the charm and communication skills of Basil Fawlty, alas with sense of humour or irony.
I took advantage of the burger and a pint offer, which was OK, while my probation officer, Myleen, had the ravioli of truffle in a red wine jus followed by quail, which was nicely pink and came with steamed vegetables. For dessert we both had the Special Brew ice cream.

20 Jan 2010 12:41

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

Further to my last post...
Walking past this place the other day I almost went in, but the chattering middle classes had already bagged the best tables and the aloof blonde woman who annoys me so much was behind the bar.
I moved on instead to the Duck of Cumberland where I blew half a month's wages on a pint and a bowl of crinkle-cut chips.

20 Jan 2010 12:35

The Prince Albert, Whitstable

I last visited this pub on the 100th anniversary of the relief of Mafekin. I have not been back since.

20 Jan 2010 12:33

The Two Brewers, Whitstable

I visited this place just hours after major surgery (I had a new lung installed under general anisthetic) and found the surroundings charmingly bucollic and Hardyesque. Some of the grotesques drinking at the bar were straight out of central casting from an old black and white adaptation of Charles Dickens. One even had a nose like Betsy Trotwood.

20 Jan 2010 12:31

The Chestfield Barn, Whitstable

Nice pub for a winter afternoon. Has a blazing fire, helpful staff and decent - if a tad expensive - beer. Food looks good, but haven't eaten there for a while.
Live music of a Sunday afternoon struck me as being rather intrusive and very out of place in such authentically old surroundings.
Have decided to avoid on Sundays from now on, but will otherwise be going back.

20 Jan 2010 12:27

Long Reach, Whitstable

Decided to give this place another go, and as I was visiting a brothel nearby nipped in for a drink and a meal beforehand. I had the quail stuffed with lobster in a white wine jus, served with game chips and polenta. To drink I had a quart of Double Diamond and a Lambrini chaser.
Very good.

20 Jan 2010 11:53

The Old Neptune, Whitstable

This should be the pearl among Whitstable's pubs, and indeed not so long ago that's exactly what it was. A wonderful, if slightly shabby, place to sup good ale and watch the sun set.
not anymore.
As severeal people here haev mentioned, the ale is poor these days and what was once atmospheric shabbiness now looks like uncleanliness.
The worst thing of all, however, are the bar staff: Miserable and, if your not a local, plain rude. I've stopped going.

12 Jan 2010 16:01

The Rose In Bloom, Whitstable

I walked into this pub one Tuesday afternoon to be greeted by a young, smiling lady behind the bar.
I said: "Hast thou not scooped me up as milk and cast me aside as cheese?'
She called a big man with a beard from out back and he asked me to leave.

12 Jan 2010 15:06

Ship Centurion Arminius, Whitstable

Egs and cheese, eggs and cheese, eggs and cheese are bound to please!

Know what I mean?

12 Jan 2010 12:56

The Coach and Horses, Whitstable

It was in this pub where I fell alseep at the bar and had a weird dream that involved Janet Street Porter, a jar of goose fat and a copy of 'Extreme Caravan' magazine.
I often revisit.

12 Jan 2010 12:53

The East Kent, Whitstable

"There wasn't a great deal to grab my attention," wrote HTM69.
The East Kent has a pool table, games machine, bar billiards, darts, board games and a farting dog. The jukebox is good and in summer there is petanque and sumo wrestling in the outside garden. Trains pass close by at regular intervals.
A great pub with something for everyone.

12 Jan 2010 12:50

Long Reach, Whitstable

Not so much a pub as a faux-Harvester attached to the side of a motel within spitting distance of a dual carriage way. I had the haggis and chips and a quart of Skol. I won't be going back!

12 Jan 2010 12:42

The Royal Naval Reserve, Whitstable

This place always use to smell of deep fried food and fags. Now it just smells of deep dried food. The net curtains are a real turn off while the customers are, ahem, 'salt of the earth' types. If they ever open a Whetherspoons in Whitstable this place would lose 90 per cent of its regulars overnight.
Not my cup of tea, but each to his own.

12 Jan 2010 12:23

The Duke Of Cumberland Hotel, Whitstable

This is an OK boozer, although more popular with day-trippers than people who actually live in Whitstable. Alas, I only earn 42K a year so can't afford to drink here too often.

12 Jan 2010 12:18

The Whitstable Brewery Bar, Whitstable

Great views, but on the rare occasion that I've found the place actually open I've found the staff strangely aloof, more interested in stoking the fire than serving ale.

12 Jan 2010 12:15

The Hotel Continental, Whitstable

This place has a great location but I just can't stand the staff, who all seem to have this weirdly superior air about them. The beer is on the expensive side, but the Oyster Stout was OK on my last visit a few years back. Mind you...Whitstable Brewery? Maidstone Brewery more like, because that's where the beer is actually brewed.

12 Jan 2010 12:13

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