The Ypres Castle Inn, Rye

Any other publicans visiting this site could take a few tips from the landlord of this dump:

1. In the middle of the afternoon, on a busy Bank Holiday weekend in the most picturesque part of a town that exists entirely for day trippers to explore, when all the other pubs in town are open, close.
2. Ensure that the interior of your premises is invisible from outside due to reflections on the glass windows making it impossible to tell whether you are open or not.
3. Bolt your door at the top only so that anyone trying to get in is unsure whether the door is locked or just stuck.
4. Check that your 'opening hours' sign informs visitors that you should actually be open mid-afternoon on a Sunday...
5....But crucially, add a miniscule hand written note to the bottom reading 'except Bank Holidays'
6. Using a supercilious, patrician tone, loudly instruct anyone stupid enough to push your door to 'read the sign'
7. Get an offensive review on beerintheevening.com

2 May 2006 11:51