skip nav  

Artesian Well, Wandsworth - pub details

Artesian Well
Get directions using the
TfL Journey Planner:
Enter the postcode you're travelling from:

Address: 693 Wandsworth Road, London, SW8 3JF [map] [gmap]

Tel: 0871 951 1000 (ref 4626) - calls cost 10p per minute plus network extras

Nearest tube stations Clapham Common (0.5 miles), Clapham North (0.7 miles)

Nearest train stations Wandsworth Road (0.5 miles), Clapham High Street (0.6 miles), Queenstown Road Battersea (0.6 miles)

Pub facilities/features:

Are you the Licensee? Click here.

> Current user rating: 3.8/10 (rated by 19 users)
> Hotels nearby: Search
> Local guide: London pub guide
> Log in to rate this pub or upload a picture of it.
> Post a comment > Mail a friend

other pubs nearby:

Lost Society, Clapham (0.0 miles), Plough Inn, Clapham (0.0 miles), Bobbin, Clapham (0.1 miles), Traders, Clapham (0.1 miles), Queens Arms, Clapham (0.2 miles) - see more nearby pubs

user reviews of Artesian Well, Wandsworth

please note - reviews on this site are purely the opinion of site visitors, so don't take them too seriously.

5 most recent reviews of 14 shown - see all reviews

Now closed.
Looper23 - 4 Aug 2015 17:03
Artesian Well is probably the most unique bar/club in London...It's quite simply the best.I would definitely recommend it!
sanchezariel - 29 Aug 2013 13:17
Top Bar/Club really unique/amazing. Inside its like a fantasy world with lots of different sculptures inside. I was told that its owned and designed by a very famous sculptor Rudy Weller which designed Helios Horses in Piccadilly also. I had a table booked and had a really great night, amazing staff and brilliant Djs. We just never got bored we could go up three floors with different Dj's/music on each floor so it was a perfect night out. Drinks prices were fab but the only down thing was when we arrived was already long queue so we had to wait for a while to get in. Thanks Artesian and we'll definitely see you soon x x
jani - 23 Nov 2010 23:15
The Artesian Well. Your perfect evening out if it involves queueing, buying overpriced drinks and experiencing the dubious pleasure of the neanderthal bar manager scraping his knuckles on the ground, pausing only to pluck some fleas from his rear and gobble them down, whilst attempting to lord it over the "lesser people" - i.e. anyone other than him. Unfortunate, considering he's about as articulate as a pregnant slug with an over-abundance of slime (but with far less charm). He'd be better suited to a career as a Nazi camp guard in another age; or is that a camp Nazi guard, judging by his self-important mincing?

We'd reserved the upper area for a private party with a band, and when looking to rearrange some of the furniture, he immediately adopted an aggressive tone, thrust his crotch forward and stomped his feet down, maintaining that "MY furniture is not going to be moved," before explaining confrontationally that his DJ equipment was worth more than the NASA space programme and therefore he didn't anyone plugging into it. A simple, polite "no," with a brief explanation would have done. But, as he launched into his elaborate explanation, I began to realise that his IQ was actually closer to his shoe size than his age, and his management style can be captured in two words: AGGRESSIVE SHOUTING.

He "summoned" us to have a word with him by clapping his hands, as if we were naughty 8 year olds and talked at me for a while; when I explained that I didn't like being spoken to in this manner, he shuddered orgasmically, shouted for his bouncer minions in a high pitch and released a tirade of eloquent abuse, involving - in no particular order - the words, "tw*t," "c*nt," "w**nker" and so on and so forth. An interesting and somewhat unorthodox strategy to adopt with your customers, I must admit. Indeed, it was quite impressive; his mother must have sat him down on her lap in the zoo and carefully taught him how to correctly pronounce those words from an early age, as he was very good at repeating those words ad hominem, but didn't seem to able to intersperse his speech with anything else.

So, in summary, I would rather run myself a hot bath, turn on a live iron and dump said appliance into it before setting foot in the Arse-tesian Well again. I have e-mailed everyone that came to the private party that evening (well over a hundred people), explaining my delightful interactions with the primate managing the place and will be writing to the owners to ask whether it is normal for London Zoo to rent out one of its specimens to run a bar. Surely just supplying all of those bananas must make a chimpanzee-shaped dent in the profits?

Dissapointing. No, actually - downright awful. This is even worse than having your fingernails removed individually whilst being made to watch Glee on repeat. Enter at your peril. Just don't say you weren't warned.
raymano - 18 Nov 2010 11:30
Went to this place a couple of months ago for a friends birthday and it was awful. The music is alright, and the decor is a bit weird but fine but the staff are awful. The bouncers and the manager are incredibly rude and unhelpful, we had paid (a lot) for an area to be reserved and they made absolutely no attempt to actually reserve it. One girl had her coat stolen and they were so rude about it as well as having no idea where it would be handed in. Don't expect any help from the manager.
anonsw9 - 26 Oct 2010 12:31

see more reviews

got anything to say about this pub?

Please read our reviews policy before posting.
Only registered users can post reviews. Please log in. If you don't have an account yet, register here.