The Essex Arms, Brentwood - pub details
Tel: 0871 951 1000 (ref 31482) - calls cost 10p per minute plus network extras
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other pubs nearby:
Brewery Tap, Brentwood (0.4 miles), Brave Nelson, Warley (0.4 miles), Teriss Bar, Brentwood (0.5 miles), Gardeners Arms, Brentwood (0.5 miles), Slug and Lettuce, Brentwood (0.5 miles) - see more nearby pubs
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5 most recent reviews of 14 shown - see all reviews
|diary of a reinsurance broker from brentwood|
6am: unleash bowel movement , purging yesterdays cocaine, lager and sweet meats.
6.30am: get up/shower/power wank ..thereby processing remaining toxins down the plug hole
6.45am: violent argument with wife
7 am: no time for breakfast , off to work!!
7.45 am: toilet, wank , capaucino
8am : work!! push papers around, stare at screen , tap pen on teeth, toilet, wank.
1oam :pretend to read 'lloyds list'
11am : 'strategy 'meeting with other 'non marine facualty specialists', , in reality alcoholics all shaking like the drunken bakers in 'viz'.
item one, agenda one , priority one ..liase to meet in drakes wine bar or the english club 11.45am
11.40am: pick up folders and with the determined look of east german sprinter marlies goher, stride purposefully to the 'market' with durans 'hungry like the wolf' ringing in your head. eager for new business....
11.42am: simply decide against the exciting new buisness venture of going to see some cunt in his 'box' head straight for 'drakes' in leadenhall market.
11.45am. meet with other 'non marine facualty specialists' to discuss covering each others arses, if it all gets on top.
12.15pm: thoughts turn to the kibble and where we take our custom today.
will it be 'wraps', 'bar bed' , the counting house, the elephant or the wine lodge.(descisions descisions!!
1pm: time to take the show on the road!!: press buzzer to gain entry into bar bed's gentlemens club upstairs behind reinforced fire door.
1.01pm: time to mingle!!. associate with 'colourful' collection of junkys, theives, bullys, cunts,pimps, whores and reinsurance brokers.
4.30pm: leave establishment ripped to the tits and £2OO Lighter, but in possession of the life giving elexier that is the kibble. scurry' golem ' like to lloyds of london for an appointment with inaminate object 'the lutine bell'
4.45pm: 'rap' with bob the pristine yeoman at the entrance , of lloyds, cunted , like a long lost brother(making a mental note to ignore him the next day, if i survive the next 24 hours)
5pm: leave bob crying/scared and go to meet broker for my 2.30pm appointment
5.o2pm: wank in bogs, really unloading a pootle of gear in a prolonged orgasm due to being on the kib all afternoon.
5.11pm.... miss my 2.30pm appointment and express my apologies. my nans dying of 'testicular cancer 'or something
5:15pm ..'lunch ' more kibble and more pints in leadenhall market. discuss exciting new opportunities within a growing market with other 'specialists'
5.45pm..return to office. pack up leave.may 'jimmy' open the petty cash box and point the finger at the african cleaners...after all 'my word is my bond'
5.55pm..in to the wine lodge , more cocaine, more pints, more disscussion on pornography
7pm..asked to leave by management, quick inventory reveals dangerously low stock levels of kib ie 1/2 a grm. reorder critical.i repeat reorder critical!!
8pm..leave the counting house restocked..phew!!!1
8.15..in the cheshire cheese, reminiscing with other 'specialists' about our brave comrades that have fallen by the wayside and now live above a pet shop in a bedsit in tooting/eltham/basildon. either estranged from their wife and children or dead.
8.15pm to 11pm : have a fucking good laugh about the above 'fallen'. cunts.
10.15pm: time for home!!!. ring estranged ex colleagues wife on train home , wired to fuck, with propositions of a sexual nature, realise you have in fact rung your sister, but continue anyway.
11pm just in time to get a top of cocaine from colourful characters in the essex arms or to ring the travelling community to pop a gram round, phew!
12.25: home time!!!, throw dinner in bin have violent argument with wife, spend a night of fitful sleep on the sette in suit, waiting to do it all again!!
shoomer88 - 25 Jun 2014 12:59
|Excellent food ...had the burger n chips it was fab. Thumbs up I'd defiantly come again :) |
Macca2 - 14 Oct 2012 16:16
|This little pub does a wonderful Sunday roast. Nothing fancy just very good food.|
Nice fresh veg selection cooked to perfection. Kate & I thoroughly enjoyed the meal and the beer was good as well.
If you fancy having a good ale and a lovely Sunday lunch , then put this place on your list.
Regards to all Dave N Kate
daveperrott - 9 Aug 2012 20:42
|Went back there today, and all of my expectations lived up to the mark, had the best Sunday lunch ever, real roast potatoe's, homemade yorkshire puddings, and the Beef was to die for, 2 pints of Doom Bar, sunday papers and the fottie on the big tv's was great.|
Shoey - 6 May 2012 21:39
|Had Sunday lunch! The food was really nice... Completely fresh and was delicious... Best roast we have had out in ages... The staff are really welcoming and friendly and we would definitely come back for food again... Don't know what the Essex arms was like before but it's refurb is indeed very nice...|
Toppers - 29 Apr 2012 15:09
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